In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
