I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
