I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
