Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
