Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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