WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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