Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
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My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
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Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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