At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
