I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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