Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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