At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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