he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
