i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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