Swine flu. Run for my life!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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