Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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