I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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