shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
