sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
