party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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