My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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