video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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