Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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