i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
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the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
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We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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