i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
