I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
