I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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