she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
