bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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