God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
