My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize