I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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