I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
