after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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