She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
