I'm jealous of your bromance
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
