you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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