This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
