I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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