Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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