apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
