i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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