Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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