My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
