I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
