I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Send help, water and tortillas.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
