Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
