listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
