her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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