Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
