rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have already put on my inside pants.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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