My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
