I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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