I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
