I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
