On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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