I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
