he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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