hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
