We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
