i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
