dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Randomize
