i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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